Your teeth are like stars dear, they come out at night...

Admit it - you've used your teeth to do things you're not supposed to use them for. I couldn't get into a packet of 'Pink & Whites' - "Crunchy wafers filled with pink 'n' white mallow" - (only half a Weightwatchers point) tonight so I used my teeth to tear the packet open. That's what you do isn't it? I couldn't find the scissors and a knife seemed unnecessary and an abuse of force against an innocent plastic wrapper, and in any case, teeth was quicker.

I've tried, in temper, to cut string with teeth when the scissors are at the other end of the house, open one of those plastic sealed CD cases that you can't find the edge of, and tried to cut the tag off a new 't' shirt because I could do it with my hands.

There you are, confession done. I've never tried to open a bottle top with my teeth mind, and I've seen that a few times but I have cut thousands of bits of sellotape over the years with the old gnashers even though my teeth are not in any way sharp.

I've had accidents by losing fillings of course and cracking teeth through eating nuts and toffee etc., but doesn't everyone? I've carried a few plastic bags in my teeth when my hands have been full and taken pen caps off on a daily basis. Pistachio nuts that haven't fully opened can only be opened with teeth because it makes your nails sore.

Teeth are obviously very useful for vampires, dentists and professional whistlers. Smiles can be better for a good set of teeth and they are an essential tool for chewing food and chewing gum. They can be great as comforters when chewing hair, hankies or a favourite teddy bear.

False teeth? Well they are just good for a laugh!

Teeth are also mentioned in the Bible - (King James version, Psalm 58:6) "Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth: break out the great teeth of the young lions, O LORD." In other words, take away the opportunities that hurt us.

Teeth can hurt, cause many tears, fall out, rot and bite someone very hard indeed, or nibble someone if you're lucky. Either way, they can be quite useful.

What do you get if you cross teeth with candy? Dental floss!

Chat soon

Ta-ra!

When it's raining...

Hi bloggers. Sorry I haven't posted all week, not been too busy, but nothing exciting or dramatic to report. Work keeps me busy and life at home has fallen into a routine, but I'm not complaining. My fellow blogger Middle Aged Gapper is setting off today to East Africa on a two week holiday doing lots of exciting things and I wish him well and look forward to his well crafted and entertaining blogs on his exploits when he returns.

I hope at any rate MAG has better holiday weather in East Africa than we are having here. Rain, wind, more rain and just to finish it off, more wind. Frankly, it's bloody miserable. Last night around 4 pm I was told it was 14 degrees Celsius outside when the seasonal average should be higher.

I decided I need stronger glasses, not that my eyesight is too bad - I'm long sighted which means I can see to the moon as clear as a bell but can't see a page of text in front of me. The only problem was that with lenses, frame and lens protection, I ended up with a bill of £500+ and that is not what you would call a designer pair. They are frame-less, similar to what I have now but a little lighter. Just to raise the temperature in the house, I also signed up for a teeth whitening session from the dentists which is another £250+. Well, you only live once.

I hope you are looking forward to the weekend, I am - for a rest and although it's been a short working week, it has still seemed a long week. I normally sleep fairly well, certainly better since losing weight, but last night I had a rare nightmare which revolved around going round an old Gothic house and being grabbed by moving walls which came alive and grappled by unseen hands. Not nice.

Here's a list for all you TOGs out there about telltale signs of feeling old, something close to my heart after a session on the treadmill.

• Your ears are hairier than your head (a man thing I think);
• Everything hurts and if it doesn't hurt, it doesn't work;
• You're still chasing women but can't remember why;
• Your knees buckle but your belt won't;
• You can live without sex, but not spectacles;
• You start doing jigsaw puzzles again;
• You get into a heated argument about pension plans;
• You have a party and the neighbours don't even realise it;
• The glint in your eye is the sun hitting your bifocals;
  
• A fortune teller offers to read your face.

Edited by Geoff Tibballs

Have a great weekend,

Chat soon

Ta-ra!