I've Had an Idea, Dear...

My cat bought a bird in the house today, sadly already dead although not a mark on it - I guess shock got the better of it. Not only is this very upsetting for me but ironically, the bird he bought in was a hedge sparrow, a bird we have not had in this area for all the fifteen years I have been in this house.

We put bells on their collars and bird food is put on high bird tables that the cats can't actually get onto. I'm not sure what other practical ideas I can come up with.

We went shopping today for a couple of halogen light bulbs for the security lights. We arrived back home having: chosen a potential new carpet for the living room, decided on a complete living room makeover, thought about new light fittings, chosen a couple of bookcases we might like to replace the rickety ones we have now, bought some bathroom fittings to get stuff off the bathroom window sill and six cans of windscreen de-icer.

How the hell do we manage to do these things? I know the answer. Simple minded married men like me are manipulated by very clever women who put their ideas into our heads. They then encourage us to come up with ideas and solutions which match their plans as if they were our ideas - and hey presto! Job done. If you could bottle this stuff, it would be worth a bloody fortune!

We've both had a bit of a tidying rush to our heads around the house and I've even tidied (most) of my computer room which is a rare potential twice a year event. I was wanting a desk top book shelf but I can't find a decent wooden one for less that £45, so I've opted for less attractive very practical office-style bookends. This will allow me instant access to my spiritual material which I keep in a box under my desk. I'm now on the lookout for some ornamental and heavy bookends.

Well this weekend I thought I'd do a sort of a list which isn't exactly a list but it's near enough to a list and it's on one of my favourite subjects, the difference between men and women.

• God made man before woman so man could have time to think about the answer to woman's first question.
• Woman are crazy and men are stupid. Women are crazy because men are stupid.
• Women always want the last word in an argument (mine certainly does!) Anything a man adds after that is a new argument.
• A woman will dress up for going shopping, putting the bin out, answering the phone, doing the gardening, reading a book and having her feet done. A man dresses up for weddings and funerals.
• Men can 'do' their fingernails with a pen knife; keep the same hairstyle for years; have shoes that don't deform their feet; only have to shave their chin; and choose whether or not to grow a moustache!

Discuss.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend.

Chat soon

ta-ra.