I was reminded today of the late Tommy Cooper by a friend, Ian Mac who sent me some classic Cooper jokes - simple, clever and funny. I still have some Cooper videos and a couple of DVDs which I watch every now and then and some of the best bits are shown on G.O.L.D. on Sky TV occasionally.
Welshman Thomas Frederick Cooper was a complex individual when you read the story of his life and there was much anxiety, sadness, drinking and infidelity. He died on stage at the end of his act way back in 1984 at Her Majesty's Theatre in London during a live broadcast of a London Weekend Television show. I never saw it then and I can't bring myself to watch it even now which can be found on YouTube. I just want to remember this remarkable man at the height of his comedic power, making people laugh with his deliberately disastrous magic, his slapstick and one-liner jokes.
I saw him on stage once at the Bridlington Spa Theatre at some stage in the late seventies. He was a presence and a half and just made people laugh as he approached the microphone and looked around without saying anything at all.
Here are some of the classics; enjoy:
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.'
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.
I went to a seafood disco last week, and pulled a muscle.
'Doctor, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. '
'Is it common?'
'It's not unusual...'
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?'
I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it!'
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places.'
The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore.'
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him.'
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.'
'What? Because he's cross-eyed?'
'No, because he's really heavy.'