'Another Glass of Port Please'

What's gout and have I got it?

I was sitting with some friends the other day and I got this piercing stabbing pain, albeit short lived in one of my big toes. Then I got another one under the sole of my foot, and both made me jump and wince. My good friend Linda turned to me nonchalantly and said, 'you've got gout - don't eat chicken,' then she turned back to her companion with whom she was having a conversation as if nothing had happened.

There I sat non-plussed being a generally healthy if overweight fifty something year old with a diagnosis of gout an never again be able to eat a favourite food. My imagination, as you can imagine ran amok and I envisaged this portly grey haired, red faced, old man in a velvet jacket sat with his foot wrapped in bandages like a mummy on a stool sipping port. Well I didn't have a velvet jacket and I don't like port except in minute quantities and only at Christmas with cheese and biscuits. I have the occasional sharp shooting pain in a toe or under my foot but nothing that I want to do anything about, but curiosity like the cat overcame me and I had to have a look at the t'internet to find out more.

Wikipedia, we all trust it right? says "Gout is characterized by excruciating, sudden, unexpected, burning pain, as well as swelling, redness, warmth, and stiffness in the affected joint. This occurs most commonly in men's toes but can appear in other parts of the body and affect women as well." Okay, well I have no warmth, swelling or redness or unexpected stiffness, (no jokes now). Apparently, the uric acid that gets into the joints depositing crystals causes the problem and this comes with eating protein rich foods.

My friend Linda is right and other protein rich foods are all foods that I adore! This is clearly not fair! They include tuna, duck, turkey, eggs, crocodile and kangaroo meat, nuts and seeds and tofu (what the hell is tofu?) among others. Not that I've ever had crocodile or kangaroo meat. My research shows Crocodile has a firm-texture, light-coloured meat with a delicate fishy taste, similar to monkfish, that absorbs other flavours well.

For best results Crocodile should be cooked in the same manor as lean pork or chicken and can be prepared using both wet and dry methods of cooking. You can buy it too! On the other hand, Kangaroo meat is tender, very high in protein, low in cholesterol (less than 2% fat) and deep red in color. It can be used in most beef and lamb recipes or served with a light sauce, however because of it leanness care must be taken to avoid overcooking.

The problem is of course that if you try to catch one it will eat you and the other will fight you. I'll stick to lamb burgers.

Vegetarians don't read this - whoops too late!

FIVE Spelling mistakes today - keyboard must be faulty.

Chat soon

Ta-ra