The mystery of Colin

Being half asleep this morning (and every other morning) I trudged past the bookcase carefully balancing my bowl of Weetabix and sultanas and the glass of orange juice and plonked myself on the chair. I don't have a lot of time during the week but on Saturday mornings when I get up early to take my lad to his Saturday job, I have the luxury of watching the news on the BBC for ten minutes as I wake up. This morning however, I didn't do that. I stared at the bookcase realising something was slightly different and then I spotted it. Colin the model was holding the bookshelf up!
Now Colin I have to tell you, and I am comfortable telling you, because I can trust you and in any case Colin can't read, that Colin is not a great conversationalist. He usually stands quite quietly, doesn't move around much and watches the world go by. He doesn't offer opinions or have any loans with the bank (as far as I am aware.) He does like to be the centre of attention when I have pencil and paper in my hand and use him in drawing practise. He's cheap to have around and he only needs cleaning with a fluffy duster now and then.

So how he came to be holding the shelf up is a bit of a mystery. As models go (size minus 42) he's not that good looking if I were honest and I won't be getting any calls from Cosmopolitan I shouldn't think, but I never imagined for one minute that I had a DIY expert in the house. This could be useful particularly because I need some painting doing soon and some hooks putting in the wall. The problem is he's only 12 inches tall and not strong enough to carry ladders so I'll have to do most of the work in any case - no good there then.

I'll have to wait and see if he demonstrates any other useful functions before I can take him on (as long as he doesn't want paying).

As it's the weekend, its list time. This is what would happen if men got pregnant:

• Morning sickness would be the nation's top ranked illness needing a cure;
• Maternity leave would be two years with full pay;
• Children would stay in the maternity ward until they are toilet trained;
• Natural childbirth would be a thing of the past;
• There WOULD be a cure for stretch marks;
• Sons would have to home from dates at 10 pm sharp;
• Men would be eager to talk about commitment.

Chat soon

Ta-ra.