Top Ten Questions... and the Answers!

Ask Jeeves website has made a list of the top ten questions it's been asked since 2000 from billions of queries and the questions (if not the answers) are very interesting. Here they are:

1. What is the meaning of life?
2. Is there a God?
3. Do blondes have more fun?
4. What is the best diet?
5. Is there anybody out there?
6. Who is the most famous person in the world?
7. What is love?
8. What is the secret to happiness?
9. Did Tony Soprano die?
10. How long will I live?

I wonder what would possess someone to ask the question 'is there a God?' and I also wonder what sort of response they were looking for? They're very subjective questions and the answers are complete imponderable conundrums. However, I might have some answers which could address some of the challenges of these universally fascinating issues.

1. What is the meaning of life?
See Monty Python film of the same name; John Cleeses' sex education lesson using his wife is one of the great comedic sketches of film history - who needs to know more?

2. Is there a God?
This is a false question. The question is usually asked by insomniac, dyslexic, agnostics who lie awake all night wondering if there's a DOG.

3. Do blondes have more fun?
Clearly the two blondes who went duck hunting were having fun when they hadn't caught anything after two hours. The first remarked, "Perhaps we're not throwing the dog high enough."

4. What is the best diet?
With a view to making us into what? For example I asked my wife how I could lose 25 lbs of ugly fat. "Chop your head off," she suggested.

5. Is there anybody out there?
This particularly relevant when we're in the shower and the front door bell rings and when we get downstairs, there's nobody there which is when we normally shriek the question out loud so everyone in the street can hear. Even the aliens at number 14 can hear us!

6. Who is the most famous person in the world?
Of course it was the Polish inventor who discovered the meaning of life but as no-one could pronounce his surname, Wonpczcyczazck, the story got spiked.

7. What is love?
Ah love, love was a marvellous invention, but then so was the bicycle puncture repair kit. A man knows when he's in love, it's the most glorious two and a half days of his life and he even temporarily loses interest in his car (generally for just less than two and a half days.)

8. What is the secret to happiness?
Happiness, something a married man has surgically removed through his wallet. In truth, it is the agreeable sensation of contemplating the misery of another.

9. Did Tony Soprano die?
Tony who? I never knew he could reach that high. The tax man and Reader's Digest will definitely know if he's alive.

10. How long will I live?
Well the thing is, life is like a sewer. What you put in is what you get out. Wealth and luck might have something to do with it of course. What would we do with immortality? We can't even decide what to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Hope you find that informative. Today, Blogspot - tomorrow, Wikipedia!

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