Having lost some substantial weight, we spent a pleasant day spending money buying my clothes - how much - don't ask. The McArthurGlen outlet at York was the scene of the crime, they are now a lot better off than I am, so much for planning and doing an innocent and FREE walk round York city walls.
The problem is that we had to go through my wardrobe and get rid of everything that looks like a tent when we got home tonight. This has taken two of us, two hours solid. During the trying on of all my shirts, I lost some old favourites through age, wear as well as being just too big. About half of my ties have gone - goodbye dear friends! Some of those ties were classics: Paisley, some an inch wide, some 80s gaudy bright checked colours, some with soup stains, gravy stains and unmentionable stains - they have gone to the great tie museum in the sky (or perhaps Oxfam and the Epilepsy shops). I have still managed to sneak a couple of ancient ties into the rack without her who must be obeyed spotting them (she doesn't read this, so don't say anything - please!)
We have taken the opportunity to get rid of so much tonight, mostly stuff that was too big, stuff I've had for donkey's years, stuff I've ruined with paint or grass stains or simply just worn out - like me after today.
When I thought my other half had found all the ties, another one popped up, hidden under a shirt or a suit or other coat hanger which forced her to admit that they must be multiplying.
I've landed about seven pairs of new trousers, mostly for work, four pairs of new shoes and by the way, I am not an Imelda Marcos (full name Imelda Remedios Visitacion Romualdez-Marcos), I only have about five pairs of shoes for all occasions and weathers. I've even picked up a new leisure suit (as opposed to a suit for work), the first I've ever had in my life and its pale beige... wow! This is to be worn at the family get together on Saturday night. I know how to push the boat out.
My wife did buy a pair of shoes for herself, so she wasn't totally left out.
The curse of the socks has been placed upon us yet again. Whilst clearing out tonight, I found six pairs of new, never worn white sports socks in the bottom of one of my drawers and when I pulled them out, there was one missing! It hasn't even been washed, so the sock fairy has struck again. There must be a bloody lot of one legged fairies, goblins, leprechauns and elves around. Perhaps they've had their other legs bitten off by foxes.
My story today has a topical theme. A man was shopping one day and he approached a very pretty young woman. "I've lost my wife, can I talk to you?"
"Why?" She replied, puzzled.
"Because every time I talk to a young woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."